What a strange and unusual and enchanted Mother’s Day.
It is my last as a mother of one.
We did the ultrasound on the Friday before Mother’s Day – me, birthmom, and Polar Bear. I think it was the first time Polar Bear realized that there really is a baby in there! And, we were all in tears when we found it that our wish came true and it’s …a girl!
Since Big Son and Little Girl X’s birth mother is still staying with us, we got to celebrate together on Mother’s Day. In the morning Polar Bear and Big Son made us waffles with strawberries, and gave us these beautiful yellow roses!
It was weird, being at home with our son and his birth mother on a day that is usually all about me, but it was awesome.
I know a lot of adoptive moms are terrified of the birth mother. I can understand that. But, when a child is missing a parent it’s like there’s a hole there that nothing can fill. Plus, sooner or later, they’re going to want to try to fill that hole. They may even leave home and go out searching. I don’t ever want my children to have a birthmother sized hole in their hearts. And I don’t want them to feel the need to go out and search. I want them to know wholeness — to whatever extent that’s possible — at home. So I will do the hard work of bringing their family to them, and bringing them to their family.
Yes, occasionally that includes managing tricky situations, preparing for safety, debriefing and supporting on both sides after interactions that were not ideal, and all of that is hard, but that’s part of my job.
As for me and her, she gave me the most precious gifts of my life, plus she is the only other human on the planet who knows what it’s like to be these kids’ mom. That’s not threatening, it’s a little bit of magic.